IT'S CHRRRRRRRIIIIISSSSTTTMMMMMMMMAAAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SCREAM!!!

I don't know why I haven't posted this up here til now?! But tomorrow we're having a heavy metal carol service at Grimsby Minster at 5:30..yes you did hear me right, a heavy.metal.carol.service.!

We held the world's first last year (well, we think it was the first!lol) and over 300 people of all ages turned up n rocked out, so by popular demand we're back n doing it all again this year!

It's basically a fun, unique way to celebrate Christmas.  We'll of course have a live band, who'll be playing some of your favourite Christmas songs as you've never heard them before!!

So if you fancy seeing a church full of speakers, hearing We Three Kings mixed with Led Zeppin and Once in Royal David's City mixed with Deep Purple (among others), and experience an event unlike any others, and much, much, more, then please do be there!
Whether you're a fan of metal and/or rock or just a bit curious what this is all about, then come along to head bang merrily on high, while in heaven guitars are screaming!!!...trust me, you don't wanna miss it!
Oh, and have I mentioned it's free?!

A Very Heavy Christmas II - Tomorrow (Saturday 15th), 5:30, Grimsby Minster (formally St.James') - www.facebook.com/veryheavychristmas

 

And for those still a bit unsure about what to expect (aren't we all?!), here's some photos from last years carol gig...

 

 

 



And it's hard to hold a candle, in the cold November Rain

Well November has now come and gone, and it seemed to be a funny old month in many ways.  I must confess I didn't quite do all I set out to do in my list of things to do to make my life exciting..though I did do some of them.  I didn't jump on a plane and go somewhere random as my friends convinced me it wasn't a safe thing to do on my own and so told me to visit them instead..though I still will do this in the future anyway (just possibly not on my own)!  I didn't chain myself to Church House in London in protest of the 'no' vote to women Bishops..but only because no-one would agree to do it with me.

In relation to work...what I have done is this, been re-affirmed in my calling to work for God and God's people in ministry in the Anglican Church, and been supported and affirmed in my work by those I minister to, and even by those I don't who don't believe in God but are also sure I'm where I should be.

In relation to my personal life...what I have done is this, become aware that I am certainly already living my life in the most exciting ways possible to me (some gigs, nights out, nights in, visiting new places, seeing friends, etc, reminded me of this), and also (and this is both the most important, and the most shocking to me) had the revelation that the most exciting things in life aren't necessarily the best things or the things that will make me happiest.  Yes, I love a good gig, a great festival, a holiday of a life-time, a trip attempting to save one tiny bit of the world, some mad venture in the name of charity, something adrenaline fulled which pushes your body to its extremes, something crazy or unusual just because, well, it's crazy or unusual, etc, etc. They are important and they are the memories, the stories, the laughter, that you will live with and re-live with friends and family for a long time, long after the years have faded even my dyed hair.  These are the things I look forward to, the things to count down to, the things to plan for (or in some cases it's fun not to plan for!).  But if they are all I had, my everyday existence would be horrendous, miserable, nothing but a waking up, going through the motions, and being thankful to cross off another day as my head hits the pillow at night.
It took a certain young man (he will love me calling him young!) coming into my life (well he didn't so much just come into my life, as, has been there in the back ground for a few years) to remind me of this, or even to make me realise all this .  Because, at the end of the day, what, on my own, seems the most dullest of activities (watching the news, doing the shopping, driving to see family, washing up, etc etc) can finally be far from the dullest, but actually be things that make you smile and things that make you content.  I said it a while back, but will say it again, it is not good for humankind to be alone, no, it's really not.

( P.S. I've labelled this on facebook as 'more ramblings...this time about nothing much in particular, other than where I am at the mo! (and I mean where I am metaphorically, not literally..otherwise it'd just be a post about me sat wrapped up in a blanket covered in skulls).' )

Final Prayer

Just some final remarks on the whole women Bishop's issue...not really much more to add, just I wanted to point to a couple of things I've read or seen along the way that I found helpful, interesting, or funny! This is probably long over due, but I had a week away and then have just had the flu for a week, so been away from my computer for about a fortnight.

'Women Bishops - Another Vote'
This is a petition to 'authorise another vote in this Synod in 2013, to allow the House of Laity to reconsider the results of their vote of 20 November 2012 in the light of clearly-expressed wishes of their electorate.'  There's currently over 9,000 signatures.  Please add your own if you want to support this:
http://you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/women-bishops-another-vote-now

'Deeply Saddened'
The next thing is another blog, not by anyone I know personally, but by Kate who is currently an ordinand in the Church of England (i.e. training to be a vicar).  The reason I want to point to this blog is because she seems to say better much of what I wanted to say (about the hurt, but because of my hurt I think I didn't articulate it well).
http://kateboardman.me.uk/blog/2012/11/deeply-saddened/

'Genuine Questions About Opposition to Women Bishops'
And another blog, this time from my friend James Lock, a University student. While I've said that I don't want to bang on about the reasons for and against women Bishops (because I think the arguments against are just naff!), James raises a point I hadn't thought of before and so I thought it worth sharing. He points to the idea of vocation and discernment, and wonders how those against women's ministry, who must believe the current discernment process in the C of E and those involved with it, are getting it wrong so often by picking women, are still in a Church which they think is already failing so much.
http://somedoubted.wordpress.com/2012/11/24/genuine-questions-about-opposition-to-women-bishops/

'When I am Ordained, I shall wear Purple'
By Mia Smith, with acknowledgement to Jenny Joseph's original poem. (http://www.fulcrum-anglican.org.uk/760)
When I am ordained, I shall wear purple
with killer heels and bright red lipstick
And I shall go round preaching from the Bible

...The liberating truth that Jesus calls women
and tell those who say otherwise that it is they,
not I, who are bad theologians.

I shall sit down with fellow clergy
when we are tired of fighting for equality
and going the extra mile with grace when we are put down,
And we will make up for it:
by encouraging one another as Scripture says,
and praying for those who abuse us,
and rejoicing that we are suffering
(but just a little bit) for Jesus,
And we might even eat some chocolate.

I will adopt the ordination name “Junia”,
and remind those who object,
that there may be a boy named Sue somewhere in the world,
but there probably isn’t.

But now we must face the world,
Who think we are traitors to our sex
For working for the Church
And face our brothers and sisters who think
We are being unbiblical
And face those in our Churches
who have failed to notice the pain this week has brought.
And we will go in the strength of Christ.
We will not turn our backs on our calling
Because God is not finished with the Church,
And He is faithful.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am ordained, and start to wear purple.

 

'Women Bishops - Ways Out of this Mess'
By Dave Walker, found in The Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/cartoon/2012/nov/23/women-bishops-ways-out-of-mess-cartoon)

 

The Show Must Go On / Don't Stop Believin' / Long Hard Road Out of Hell

Ok, so let's try and make this a more reasoned, less impassioned response to this weeks vote in General Synod on the issue of women Bishops....and, in true Trinitarian tradition, it'll be in 3 parts!


The Show Must Go On...

First thing to say is that obviously I was gutted and sobbed after the result, and still sometimes cry now when I think about it.
[and cue random rant on stereotypes......'oh that's typical of a woman, crying!'...ermmmmm, many men shed a tear on the result, Archbishop Rowan Williams looked totally destroyed, and when Jesus was on earth He too wept at times (John 11.35) which is just typical isn't it of that Jesus and His 'caring' way (oh hang on, isn't caring a feminine attribute, oh yes so it is, maybe His followers and those who lead His flock should be like him and be feminine too?!....). Note:I don't agree with ANY of these or other stereotypes, I was just having a rant to show the hypocrisy of it!  The fact that gender stereotypes are so outdated in today's modern Western society and therefore too is the idea that a woman's place is in the quiet and background and underneath a male, was noted wonderfully by Andrew Brown in The Guardian on Tuesday, when he spoke on the result of General Synod's vote: "One speaker said, as if it mattered: 'I don't believe that this is legislation that will allow the world to look at the church tonight and see Jesus Christ'; and no one pointed out that back on planet earth, the world will look at the church today and say: 'Jesus Christ!'"  To re-state what I said in my last post, I do not feel a need in the slightest to argue for women Bishops, purely because it is so clear that in today's culture, it is necessary.  Indeed, it was necessary 20 years ago!..at least!!  Instead I will simply make 3 points -we currently have a Queen who rules our country (not a male King), we've had a female Prime Minister and it's a certainty that we will again at some stage, and, as Reverend Richard Coles (yes also from The Communards of 1980's 'Don't Leave Me This Way' fame!) facebook statused, "Jesus Christ is risen from the dead, said Mary Magdalene, the first person Jesus entrusted with the news of the resurrection, and the rest of us are still running to catch up with her."].
Anyway, where was I?!  Yes, it was a sad day indeed, not just for me personally, but for the whole of The Church and Christianity in today's society.  A few individuals might have been happy with the result, but for the Church as a whole, it was, in the words of Bishop Christopher Lowson (Bishop of Lincoln), "a very dark day for the church" indeed.
 
The second thing to say is that today I am feeling much better than I was Tuesday evening, mainly because of all the messages expressing sorrow for the result, understanding on how much of a huge personal blow it is to many female Priests, and encouragement, support and affirmation of women's callings and ministry within the Church..and many of these messages, it has to be said, were from senior male clergy in the Church.  For instance, Bishop Christopher (and I'm sure Bishops in other dioceses did similar) sent an email to all female Priests within Lincoln Diocese to express his "deep sadness and disappointment in the wake of" the vote; to inform us that he shared with the "profound sense of shock and bewilderment felt on the floor of General Synod when the result of the vote was announced"; to reassure us that the vote was "not representative of the whole Synod nor of the will of the Church of England" (I will come on to this later); to note that he is "committed to doing all that" he can to help "work for the day when those women who are called to be bishops in the Church of England can fulfil that calling"; and to affirm that "God has called you to his service" and, in his words, "I want to assure you of my prayers and my gratitude for your ministry in the Diocese of Lincoln. Without the ministry of women here, the church would be much the poorer and our mission diminished."  It makes sense for me to write most about Bishop Christopher's response as he is 'my' Bishop, but many, many other people, both ordained and not, both religious and not, have expressed similar sentiments in the press and/or privately to individual female Priests, and I for one have been very thankful for that.  I was also grateful for these simple, yet profound, thoughts from Archbishop Rowan, following the result in Synod: "God remains God, our call remains our call, and our church remains our church."

With all this in mind yesterday, I came home from visiting someone unwell who hugged and kissed me and thanked me so much for coming, I looked at the cards around my lounge expressing thanks for weddings and funerals conducted in just the last couple of months, I logged onto my emails to receive one asking for my address so school children can post their letters of thanks they've written to me for coming to their school, and picked up an answer machine message from someone asking to see me so they can give me a thank you gift, so, in the words of classic rock band Queen, I thought, "The show must go on, yeah, the show must go on, yeah, I'll face it with a grin, I'm never giving in!! On with the show!......."

So, I put on my dog collar, went to work, and changed my facebook status to "A woman's place is in The House of Bishops...hope all female clergy are wearing purple today" -following my friend Reverend Gillian Barrow's suggestion to wear purple, which I saw others later suggesting too.  And I was pleased that many female clergy, lay members of the church, and even non-religious females, did indeed wear purple for the day (I hate to be patronising, but someone asked me 'why purple' so just to tell people who are unsure, purple is the colour of a Bishop's shirt).


Don't Stop Believin'...

Right then, on to the issue I really want to discuss, and that's to explain to those that don't know, that Tuesdays vote in Synod was NOT the Church of England saying no to women Bishops.  Sadly this is how the mainstream media has advertised it, and this is how many (even some in Synod themselves!) perceive it. But that's not actually the case.

Firstly, to re-state what I said in my previous post, 42 out of 44 dioceses in The Church of England voted in favour of women Bishops.  Then at General Synod, The House of Bishops voted 93.6% in favour of women Bishop, and The House of Clergy voted 76.7% in favour, but the House of Laity only voted 64.1% in favour.  In order for a notion to be passed in General Synod, there needs to be two thirds majority in favour of the notion, in each individual 'house'.  Clearly there was much more than two thirds majority in the House of Bishops and the House of Clergy, but sadly the House was Laity was just 1% short of having the two thirds majority (in other words, 6 individual votes).

The main thing I want to say is that the failing seems to be with the voting system:
a) IF a majority (i.e. more than half) in each house was needed, the notion would be passed.
b) IF two thirds majority of all General Synod members was needed, the notion would be passed -'adding' the 'houses' together, shows that there is a total of 78.1% of members of General Synod in favour of women Bishops (I hope I've done the maths right!).
c) IF we relied on those who are meant to lead us, and guide us to what we should do, then the notion would be passed (as nearly all Bishops agreed to it, and then a vast majority of clergy agreed to it too).
Therefore, I, like many others in the C of E, think the real failing is of the current decision making process that exists in the C of E.

I want to unpack statement 'c)' more though...There are many Biblical references I could point to in the discussion of female Bishops and the decision making in the Church, but the only one I wish to point to today is Romans 12.4-8, particularly verses 4-6a: "For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us."  You do not have to be a Christian to know that we all have different gifts or abilities, things we are good at and things we are more naturally able to do as opposed to other things -whether that's remembering facts, people skills, music, cookery, maths, whatever, etc etc.  Now Bishops, they have proven to be able and good pastors, administrators, leaders and managers of churches or other Christian bodies, and prayerful people, who, after a lengthy process of discernment (including prayerfully listening to what the Holy Spirit is saying), have been appointed in the role of Bishop.  They have been placed in those roles for a reason, and that reason is because they can do that 'job'.  Now I'm not saying we shouldn't speak with laity and ask their opinion, of course we should, they make up a huge chunk of the church, and clergy, like Bishops, are serving them after all.  I mean, personally, I minister for God and His people.  But what I am saying is, have they all the same skills, knowledge and experience as Bishops?!  No, clearly not.  Think of it this way...when making an important decision about a school, would you ask the children??..Clearly you would be very unwise not to gauge their opinion and talk with them about why they might prefer one thing to another, but ultimately, would you think it wise for them to make the final decision?  Of course you wouldn't.  You would want the teachers, and much more so, the head teacher to make a major decision about the future way forward of the nation's children.  The children simply don't have the same skills, knowledge and experience as a head teacher to make such decisions.  Similarly, it just makes sense to place more weight on the opinion and decisions of Bishops, over and above the laity.
Finally, on this matter, voting in General Synod this week, there were just 49 members of the House of Bishops, with 193 in the House of Clergy, and an overwhelming 206 in the House of Laity, which clearly gives more weight to the laities decision making powers than the Bishops, which I have just suggested is perhaps misguided (at best).

Also, something I don't personally have great knowledge on, I must confess, but I'm sure General Synod were not voting on simply 'whether women should be allowed to be Bishops or not'.  That vote has happened previously, and been voted in favour that women should be Bishops.  The recent vote was on HOW that was to become a reality, and for a long time a certain number of individuals have been working on a piece of legislation that will make that possible (while trying to 'please' as many as were originally against it as possible).  This current vote was about that specific piece of legislation, which was, as we know, voted against.  Therefore this is not a 'no' to women Bishops on the whole, but a 'no' to women Bishops being a reality in that particular way.  Sadly, the mainstream media, the general public, and most people, including some members of General Synod, failed to notice that!  I think it's clear that several members of the House of Laity in General Synod failed (either deliberately or not) to notice that they were voting against this particular piece of legislation as they acted as if they were voting on something that had already been passed, which was demonstrated in the talks given in Synod (I wasn't there personally, so am going on reports here).  Sadly, this shows a profound lack of understating.  To overly simplify the matter, I'll explain with an uncomplicated and therefore unsophisticated example...it's as if one of the churches I work in were to vote on whether they wanted to continue to have their Eucharist service at 10:30 or move it to 9:30. Imagine there were more in favour of moving it to 9:30, and then we had another vote about whether we were to have an informal family service at 9:30 or not. Those who voted not to have an informal family service at 9:30, not because they didn't want a family service, but because they still wanted a 10:30 service, are like those who voted no to this piece of legislation not because they didn't want this legislation but because they didn't want what had previously been decided in a former vote which happened to link to this current piece of legislation.  So you see, the few against were trying to argue against something that had already been agreed on.  Now I don't have a problem with people not understanding this and recognised this themselves, though I think the British media could have easily clarified this point (but that would have drawn away from the radical headlines of a sexist church).  But, I do have a problem with this, if you were on General Synod!  No, it's not their fault if they didn't comprehend the actual matter at task, but if they are lacking in cognitive abilities why would they allow themselves to be nominated and voted into Synod?!..where we assume a certain amount of cognitive ability and rationality.  It would be like me allowing myself to be nominated and voted into a choir, when I clearly lack the abilities to sing!  If you don't understand what's going on at General Synod, sit back, stay at home, and let those who do, do!

And on another matter, don't anyone try to argue to me about unity...
1) Some things are more important than unity (love, peace, etc).
2) If 4 out of 5 people wanted to rob a bank, would you let the 4 people go ahead and rob the bank so to keep 'unity' between the more people the better?! I most certainly hope not!
3) 72.6% of Synod members, and 96.6% of C of E dioceses (that percentage should be the results of 42 out of 44 diocese, if I've done it right!) simply do want women Bishops!  So surely unity/keeping the Church together, would be better achieved if we did allow women to be Bishops.


I wanna live, I wanna love, but it's a long hard road, out of hell...

So, what next?!  Where are we left now??  Well, there isn't an easy answer, sadly.  Clearly the decision not to ordain woman as Bishops needs to be overturned as soon as possible.  This is not going to be achieved by resigning, and I think I wrongly used the word 'resign' in my previous post, leading to all sorts of speculation on my position!  The word I should have used was 'strike'.  The sad thing about striking, or even resigning, is that the very people you are seeking to serve, and actually who uphold and value your ministry, are the very people who would be let down -something I clearly wish to avoid.  They would be let down, simply because you would not be able to minister to them should you down tools, so to speak, and I actually have no desire to down tools, since I do enjoy my job/ministry.  But, where does that leave our conscience??  If we continue to work for an organisation that refuses to wholly and fully accept our ministry, is it morally and spiritually right to continue working for such a group??  These are the questions I find myself faced with.  And the answer is no, clearly it is not right to bury our heads in the sand and continue as if nothing has happened.  Instead we need to work towards the day when women's ministry will be fully and wholly accepted by humanity (since it is clearly already accepted by God, and by ordaining women as Bishop's we'll just be running to catch up with God!..and even then will only be half way there, with our next stop needing to be gay, lesbian and bisexual Bishops, followed by transgendered Bishops, gay marriage, and a whole heap of other things that we are sadly yet to achieve).

How do we seek to achieve this though?!?  A few suggestions, which are not endless.....
a) Seeking to work towards the next time the vote happens on women Bishops that it will get voted through -through education, prayer, publicity, actually getting of our bottoms and doing something, etc!
b) Similar to a), working to change the current decision making process in the Church of England.  Basically, reform General Synod.
c) Another thing I have contemplated is not wearing my dog collar until such time comes as women are, finally, allowed in the episcopate, and encouraging others to do the same.  This might not achieve much other than raising awareness, but that in itself would be a positive thing.  However, I've decided against this (unless someone can convince me otherwise, which I'm still fairly open to!), since women are still Priests and we don't want that 'sign' of our office taken away.
d) Striking and getting as many other female clergy to strike as possible.
e) Chaining myself to Church House in London, until the decision is over turned.  And I would of course try to encourage others to do the same, both clergy and laity.  Hopefully this would provide a certain amount of media coverage and show how committed we are to this cause.
 
The idea of chaining myself to Church House, London, is one that I am, worryingly, growing ever nearer too.  I had just 2 concerns with it, and 1 has already been sorted.  My first concern was how you'd go to the toilet!..you have to think of these things after all..and thankfully my very good, and possibly closest, friend, Laura Rawlins, suggested I got a small pop up tent to go to the loo in and a chain long enough to let me get into this tent! Thanks mate! Sorted! :)  My second concern is my actual work!  The only thing I can think is that next week I'm due off anyway and have some time booked off for after Christmas, so maybe I could move the time to put it all together and take it as time off work while I'm chained to Church House instead.  The main problem with this, is, what would I do after the couple of weeks was up if women were still in the likely position that they cannot be Bishops?!  Would I stay chained there and hope, or sulk back to work like a looser???  Then again, clearly this cause if part of my work, so could I try to stay there anyway?!  This, chaining myself to Church House in London, is something I am seriously considering so please let me know if anyone is considering joining me or would even give it some thought, or if anyone has any thoughts, or messages from above, about this!!


My final remark is to assure people that there will be women as Bishops in the Church of England soon.  That is not a dream, not an ideal that will never be achieved, but look at the statistics I point to in the second part of this post.., women will be Bishops, it is coming soon, how it happens and when it happens is up to us..the future is exciting, yes?! The future is ours! :)

No fun in fundamentalism

So I probably shouldn't blog when I'm in the mood I'm in, but I think this NEEDS to be blogged on while upset, angry and raw.  People NEED to see/hear/understand the extent of the pain felt for, let's be honest, what is a majority of people in God's Church.

So yes, I am fresh from the 'no' to women Bishops vote, and am going to subtitle this post:
'Below the Dog Collar'...

I had hoped, obviously, that the vote today at General Synod would be in favour of women Bishops.  I knew in reality it could go either way, but it wasn't until the negative news emerged that I realised, in my heart, I'd thought it would go through...I mean, this is 2000 AND 12 after all!!!! Or, 2012 as most people type it! When I heard it hadn't gone through, BY JUST 6 votes in the House of Laity (laity = religious people/church goers, who are not ordained clergy), I was gutted, shocked, disgraced, upset, angry, incredibly sad, and basically disappointed among any other negative emotion.  I could have cried, shouted, sweared, etc, BUT I was on the phone at the time, so obviously didn't!  I was on the phone to a lovely, Christian lady who has been unwell recently and I've been keeping up with how she is, etc. (I will come back to this later).

When off the phone, I went to a work meeting, but I could NOT bring myself to put my clerical collar on (or 'dog collar' as most people call it!).

I came back from the meeting, and did what I do when I'm upset, no matter how old I get, I phoned my mum.  She knew I'd be gutted with the vote (and equally so, her, and also my non-religious father, were).  I told her how devastated I was, how hurt I was, how disappointed and ultimately how disillusions I was/am.  I told her I didn't know how I could go on working for the Anglican Church.  Many of my friends have voiced their feelings on this topic on facebook too, and we discussed some of the themes that came through, such as those feeling 'very sad', 'embarassed' by their church, considering moving to a different denomination, etc.  My good friend James Lock, statused, "That's the sound of another door shutting in, In the face of progress, in the face of progress." while another friend, Mairi Ramsdale, commented on James' status, "Just wondering if I fell asleep and woke up in the 19th century.", and again later, quite rightly, in reply to one of my statuses on the subject, that "The church should be taking a lead in ending discrimination, not a lead in perpetrating it."  While the Vice-Principal of my former college (Ripon College, Cuddesdon), Reverend Professor Mark Chapman, commented on his own status that it was "A sad day for the mission of the church".  Among the calls of Christians that it was 'disapointing', 'makes no sense' and they were 'in shock' and 'feeling let down', were shouts from my non-religious friends that it's 'absolutley discusting', etc.  Reverend Caroline Rhodes, a friend I went to theological college with, tried to keep us all in perspective by commenting that, "I'm trying to think of it as what have six members of the house of laity of synod done. I rather hope my church believes that I am fully human and therefore part of what Christ assumed and redeemed..."  This reminded me that 42 out of 44 dioceses voted IN FAVOUR of women Bishops, The House of Bishops voted in favour of it, and the House of Clergy voted in favour of it, with only the House of Laity in General Synod voting against it (with just 6 votes too many against in the house of laity swinging the notion against). In fact, I believe 72.6% of Synod members voted for female Bishops!

I don't mean to bang on with why I feel this should've gone through, with why this result is devastating for a number of people, for women's ministry, for women, for the Church, for the Christian faith, for mission, and for the general view of God and God's place in modern society in the West, for God's inclusivity in a world that seeks to 'use' His name to uphold discrimination, etc.  I don't want to bang on about that right now, as it's all so darn obvious!!

What I want to say, is that, the general question on mine, and most of my friends lips, is now, what next?!  And sadly, I don't know the answer to this.

What I do know, is that as the vote came through, I wondered if I could continue to do this 'job'.  I looked around and felt saddened that everything I own has been bought with Church money, the house I live in has been given by the Church, and my whole work and identity etc is based around a very Church which refuses to accept fully and wholly the ministry of women.

So what does this leave us with???.....a few options;...Firstly, is my suggestion of all female Church of England Priests resigning en masse and seeing what happens, and if the laity that voted against women’s ministry could step in and rescue the situation that would follow as a third of C of E ministers stopped ministering.
The problem with this is, that, and I take you back to where I started, on the phone to a lovely Christian lady, a lady who, obviously, like many in the C of E (as well as those who aren't!), deserve the love and support of the church, in whatever shape and size that comes. Which also brings me to the meeting I went to following this phone conversation, and also to the conversation I had immediately afterwards with my mother....no one in that meeting or in those phone calls, are opposed women's ministry and none of them deserve to be left in the lurch as the house of laity has made a cock-up (yes I'm going to label it that!). My mum also kept reassuring me that this vote wasn't personally against my ministry, though it is very hard not to feel that it is.
But all this leads me to the point that even though it feels like the world is telling me (and I'm sure other female ministers feel the same) that what we do is worthless, in reality, it's not....and we need to keep reminding ourselves this in such times.
But then again, if we (female deacons and Priests) all resigned at once, it would make people realise that the C of E as we know it would be unworkable without female ministers, there would be such a mess that would follow without women in ministry, the possible collapse of the current parish system as we know it and the total let down of millions of people as the Church fails, by simply not having enough 'man-power' with just the current male ministers, to continue as is. And, on another note, personally I'd prefer being ministered to by those trained, skilled, qualified, experienced, prayerful people called to ministry and leadership, etc., rather than the laity who voted against who I suggest are left to pick up the pieces! (IMPORTANT NOTE: This is obviously NOT aimed at the majority of laity!!)

So, where was I?! I know....what we're left with, is either a rebellion and the following mess as female minsters revolt (something I'd go with, if necessary!);
Sticking with things as is, as we try to continue to change things from the inside;
Leaving sadly to other denominations or secular jobs;
Or continuing to minister to those who need it, appreciate it, and want it.
Or....maybe another option I can't even think of right now while I'm so tried, dismayed, and confounded.

Clearly I've not got an appropriate answer, response, or way forward..but since when was anything I did, 'appropriate'?!haha-Joke!

Instead, this is a raw and honest post on how I (and possibly others) feel at the moment.  And all I can do is speak the truth, which is, that I took off my clerical collar tonight and so far can not bring myself to put it back on again, sadly (though obviously I have no desire to stop ministering to God's people and expressing the love of God in my prayers, words and actions).  This is where the Church of England currently is, and this is where the Church of England needs to find a way out of...

She's a woman, you know what I mean, you better listen, listen to me, she's gonna set you free

" Women Bishops? I think so! Gay Bishops? Well yes! Tall Bishops? Oh go on then! Short Bishops? Most certainly! Black Bishops? Yes, yes, yes! Differently abled Bishops? Yup! Pierced and tattooed Bishops? Let's have it! Transgendered Bishops? Make it so!  Or, to put it simply, anyone God calls to be a Bishop, whether they fit the current 'Bishop shaped box' or not...in fact, in my opinion, most definitely those who don't fit into that current box :) "

The above is something I quickly typed into my facebook status this morning (as General Synod meets to vote on women Bishops).  It is clearly a facebook status...a quick thought, not necessarily explained or even well composed, but I think it gets the point across.

I'm not seeking to unpack that facebook status here and now either, but I do want to point out 3 things:
First, I deliberately used references to height to attempt to highlight how bizarre it is to discriminate someone on physical appearance, as (on the whole!..and I'm sure this is something I will write a post on at a later point!) people aren't stopped from much or directed much hatred, fear or oppression simply because of their height..in direct contrast to other physical appearances or traits that we don't choose, such as gender or skin colour.
Secondly, I want to point out that I'm not advocating prejudice against those who do fit the current 'Bishop shaped box' I refer too!..We all know, or know of, lots of middle aged, well educated, smartly dressed, male Bishops who are called to be Bishops and do exercise their ministry in that role very well indeed, and I don't wish to take away from that at all. All I mean to say, is that, there is, obviously, more to life than one kind of people. And more to the Kingdom of God than that.
Finally, 'women Bishops'???? When was the last time you heard 'male Bishops' referred to?!  Errrrmmmmm.....I think you'll find they are just called 'BISHOPS'!!!!!!!

It's my life, it's now or never! ..I just wanna live while I'm alive

Do you ever have those moments where you’re sat on your sofa watching TV and you just think, ‘what am I doing with my life?!’
Everyone knows I like to work hard and play hard, and spend my time off work at gigs, festivals, chatting and laughing all night with friends, etc.  But that’s not enough.  I want to do more, see more, experience more!  I want to meet as many people as possible, visit as many places as possible, see as much as possible, hear as much as possible, eat as many different things as possible.  I want to explore.  I want to experience as much as possible.  I want adventure and I want excitement!

We only live once and it’s getting closer to my birthday and I’m just thinking, ‘why am I not doing more?’, ‘why am I wasting my life sat alone watching rubbish?!’ (actually I watch very little TV, but you know what I mean).  I work 6 days a week and spend my few hours free a day chatting with friends and family (which is very valuable, and fun, indeed), watching TV/DVD’s, playing piano/guitar, and I’m thinking how have I limited myself to just this?!  Why am I spending my free time sat around on my own?!  Yes I know I’ve been to many countries (Japan, Singapore, South Africa, Gambia, all over Europe) but there’s so many places I’ve not been yet, especially in the UK, and more importantly there’s lots I can do randomly just on a day off or a few hours off (for instance, when was the last time I walked on the beach at dusk, did something which scared me, or just tried a different brand of baked beans!?).

So, question; why aren’t I doing all this??  Answer; there isn’t one!

So today I’ve reminded myself to live as much as possible.  And I want your help!! I want suggestions of what I can do, or even, what I need to do! -suggestions of things to do/see/experience/hear/eat, etc etc!!

I’m starting this month and by the end of November I hope to watch the sunrise, watch the sunset, sleep outside (if there’s a clear night so I can see the stars), open a page of a map of the Midlands and Yorkshire and stick a pin in and go where the pin lands, and hopefully even go to an airport with nothing planned and get on the next (affordable!) flight for a few days!

And I will of course be blogging about all the random things I get up to!

P.S. Can someone local to the Grimsby area suggest a good place to watch the sun rise or set please?!

sick and tired, I stand alone…

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” –Genesis 2.18a

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them –Genesis 2.27a

God is Trinity; 3 in 1.  God is relationship and community Himself. God created humanity to form relationships and community.

That is all.

The Final Countdown…

Well my last post was a little cheesy, so thought I’d write something more sombre next and what could be more appropriate than a list I recently wrote of things I want to achieve before I die?!  They are in no particular order and as you can see, some are perhaps more easily attainable than others!

• Go to Egypt –go inside a pyramid, see the Great Sphinx, the Nile River, etc.
• Go to the Holy Land –Israel, The Golgotha, Bethlehem, Nazareth, River Jordan, The Dead Sea, etc.
• Sleep under the stars…I don’t care where, just outside without a tent
• Camp in a forest away from civilisation (apart from anyone else camping with me..I’m not crazy enough to do it totally alone!), catch my own fish and cook it on a camp fire I made
• Cook a roast dinner
• Grow something myself and eat it
• Meet Jonathon Davis the lead singer of KoRn (I've already met the singers from my other 2 favourite bands; Marilyn Manson and Corey Taylor from Slipknot)
• Meet the Queen
• Write a kind of autobiography (even if I’m the only one who reads it!). I already have a title and everything!
• Have an article about myself on Wikipedia
• Get married, or equivalent
• Have children, not necessarily biologically, I’m quite taken by the idea of adoption
• Go in a hot air balloon
• Ride an elephant
• Play with a lion cub
• Go into space! Walk on the moon or another planet!
• Plan my own funeral

I created the Sound of Madness, wrote the book on pain, somehow I'm still here to explain...

Most people will think this is a joke. It’s not. The second caption is literally me the last 12 months.

Let’s rewind –12 months ago my life began to change and it’s an understatement to say I didn’t find it easy! I spent from then til now being dragged, from and through what felt like hell, dragged by God, dragged by my friends, dragged by my family, dragged by the Christian community I live and work in. I didn’t see it at the time, I didn’t see anything other than a constant battle to survive, but I was a nightmare and a disaster. I honestly don’t know how I can be standing here now so well, healthy and happy, considering where I was several months back.

 

How did I do it? I didn’t. God did.

It really is a miracle that I’m here in this position now. God really has dragged me along, whether I wanted to be or not, and placed me down, after walking full circle, back to near where I began. And when I say placed me down, I mean to walk along side me again, until the time I need carrying, or even dragging, again.

God also did it by sending me angels in the form of my friends to drag me through it all.

I don’t really know how or why they did it, but I’ve been simply amazed and I appreciate it more than words can say, that they stuck along all that time continuing to drag me through life, to get me to the point I am today.
There’s only so long your friends can drag a dead weight though and so you’ve got to help yourself too somewhere along the line. I would say, to help get yourself back to where you were, but there’s no way I can honestly say that. I can’t deny that the last 12 months hasn’t affected me personally or changed me in any way. I would be a fool and a liar to say it hasn’t. In some ways I am back where I was, I’m re-committed to being the best person I can be in all aspects of my life. I’m reaffirmed stronger than ever in the beliefs and values I hold and will strive to uphold them in every walk of my life. I’m stronger than I was. I’m more myself than I was. I am, quite frankly, amazing!!–joke!!!

Question: Will I always be the best person I can be and the person I should be? If I’m honest, sadly not. I’ve a whole lifetime left in front of me (scary thought!) and I know I’ll make more mistakes yet, as much as I hope and pray that I don’t.

So what really am I blabbing on about? It’s time to stop looking back. It’s time to look around where I am now and to see that the people who are with me now are the real people that matter. And it’s time to start walking for myself, and with the friends I've got, I'll not only be walking, but running, dancing and laughing alongside them all quicker than you can say 'life's for living', and, as we say in Church, ‘with the help of God, I will’...



Look At Me Now

It's hard to know what to put in a first post, or rather, what not to put in it! It would be impossible to list every moment and everything that has happened in my life to make me who I am today and where I am today, in an attempt to explain who on earth I am! It would also probably be a futile exercise since I assume the vast majority, if not all, of people reading this know me anyway and you probably all have a slightly different idea in your head and heart of who 'George' is anyway.

So, to keep it short....like me!!!...I'll simply say that as I type this moment, I'm a relatively recently ordained Anglican Priest, working as a Curate in a Team Ministry in a Parish that serves 3 churches and a population of about 20,000 people in the East Midlands of England (though I've lived, studied and/or worked in a few places, this is where I currently am).  I have a huge love of various shapes and shades of rock and metal music (indeed the more musically-minded amongst you will soon notice that all my post titles are song titles or lyrics, and mainly rock or metal songs).  And since God, music and my life are all so completely and totally entwined, many posts will probably mention one or the other, or more invariably, both, But there is much more to me than this, so there will still be several posts that mention neither my faith or my music -indeed, my mind is currently processing thoughts on cats, chocolate, conspiracy theories, politics, mental illness, equality issues, jokes, Coronation Street, past relationships, new relationships, contradictions, tea, travel, friends, family, pain, social networking, films, university days, and hair dye, and that's just an average Tuesday night in the life of George...

So the only thing left to say at this stage is that the frequency I post on this blog will probably be a bit erratic.  I might post 3 times one week and then nothing for a fortnight, will just see how it goes really!

And finally, so there really is no confusion of who is writing this (and clearly not because I'm overly vain!), here's a couple of photo of me!lol